pray the way

July 18, 2011

My fourth round of chemo is this Wednesday. I’m getting the rhythm down now. Getting chemo is an all day event every other Wednesday from about 10am-6pm. Getting the actual chemo itself takes about 3 hours, but what takes the most time is waiting at each appointment that day to get bloodwork, to see my doctor for a check-up, and then waiting for my infusion. After infusion I take my nausea medicine for 3 or 4 days, and then I get to feel good again until my next round.

My last infusion wasn’t pleasant because they had to stick me four times before they got a good place for my IV. I’ve also had sinus the past week, and I had to go to Vanderbilt for a chest x-ray because I have been having these weird burning chest pains. The good news is my chest pains have subsided and my x-ray looked fine and even showed that my mass had shrunk. In addition, I can feel that the golf ball that used to be in my neck is now a small bean.

My big day— the day we’ve all be waiting for, the day in which we hope to God that they say “You’re in remission”— is on July 27. As the day draws nearer, I can’t help but get a little nervous about it. The “what if’s” are starting to come out. The one in particular being “What if it’s not gone?”. I have no doubt in my mind that God is going to heal me. I just really don’t want to do it the hard way…as in get on the more intense chemo. I also want to be able to go back to school in January, so I’m only one semester behind. If I am in remission, then I will continue the same chemo I’ve been on and should be done in November.

It is so out of my control though. God already knows what my PET scan is going to reveal and what my status will be this winter. It scares me a little when I get too optimistic because I feel like I need to prepare for the alternative, so I won’t be shocked or devastated if the results aren’t what I though they would be. I just know that receiving the remaining chemotherapy, and being bald and physically uncomfortable in the coming months will be so much easier if I knew that I had already destroyed all of the cancer by the end of July.  However, I will not take for granted that I am blessed to deal with the matter of how I will be healed and not if I will be healed.

10And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” -1 Peter 5: 10

IN A NUTSHELL

  • My fourth round of chemo is on Wednesday
  • After some sinus and chest pain this week, I am feeling fine now
  • Pray. Pray. Pray. My PET scan to see if I’m in remission is July 27

 

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One Response to “pray the way”

  1. You are in His hands. Your attitude and so healthy and you can deal with whatever happens.

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