a lifetime in a year’s time
May 5, 2012
On this very morning one year ago, I was awoken by a phone call that would completely alter the course of my life. I had no idea a casual walk to the post office to check my mail (on the afternoon before) would turn into a not-so-casual visit to the health clinic the next morning.
To be honest, this past year has felt more like three. I almost feel like I’ve had a lifetime worth of things happen in a year’s time. I wouldn’t say I had my dreams crushed, just changed. Basically I thought this year was going to go like this: Be healthy, graduate, and get married all by May 2012. Let me reflect a little on how it really went: Get cancer, get engaged, miss a college semester. Beat cancer, plan a wedding, start a college semester. Get cancer again, cancel the wedding, finish a college semester.
While I was writing those last couple of sentences, I feel like I am talking about someone else’s life. How did all of that happen so fast? How did all that happen to me?
I think the more appropriate question is why did God choose me to go through all of this? What is He trying to get out of your average, awkward 21-year-old college student majoring in graphic design? I guess I’m gonna keep trying to find out.
If I knew in advance what was going to happen this year after someone telling me last May, “You’re not going to get married or graduate next May. Oh yeah, and you are going to get cancer a couple of times.” After punching them in the eye for being so casual about it, I would have said that there is NO way I could handle all of that! Which makes me wonder, how the heck did I make it here?
Maybe that’s part of why God keeps His will a mystery, so that we trust Him in stepping-stones instead of us being intimidated by the big picture and minimizing His power. I didn’t spend this whole year trusting God to get me through cancer per se, I spent this year trusting Him one treatment, one test result, one doctor’s visit, one needle…at a time. Then when I looked up and saw where I had made it to in my life, I realized that I actually was trusting God to get me through cancer. I have found that when you look back at your life, you realize that trusting Him in the smaller things is trusting Him in the bigger things. That’s how I made it here.
Though I have had some of the worst things happen to me, I have to honestly admit that this has also been one of the best years of my life. I’ve never felt so loved and blessed as I have in the past 12 months. If I experienced this much joy and gratitude from all the honor, selflessness, compassion, and Christ-like love offered and given by so many from the moment I first found out about the cancer, I can only image how joyful and glorified the Lord is by His children. So though it has been hard, it has been so wonderful at the same time.
“A life of great faith requires great faith.” Well, God has provided me with circumstances that require great faith, so now I just have to provide the great faith.