nothing to lose

June 10, 2012

Tomorrow I start on my second round of chemo (ICE). It has been a quick, crazy three weeks. So much has happened.

The Friday after my chemo was the day I felt my worst. Once I made it through that rough weekend, I started to come around on Monday. Although I was feeling better, my immune system was at its lowest and got the best of me 7 days after my chemo. With peculiar fever and back pain that came on suddenly, I ended up at the ER from 8pm to 3am…there’s no such thing as a quick trip to the ER. Fortunately, it was nothing serious: just your average case of getting sick with a weak immune system.

After a couple of days of antibiotics, I was feeling much better and decided I couldn’t stand to be away from North Carolina any longer. So with my immune system back up, I went to Boone for a few days to spend time with my fiance, friends and my oldest sister, nephew, and niece who drove there from Virginia. I had a great time, and I’m glad I made the trip because I’m not really sure when I will be able to go back.

Just about the time I could say I felt almost completely normal again, the strands of hair that came out in my hands were a disturbing reminder of the reality I was trying to forget. Last time it took months. This time it took days.

I was a little upset about my hair starting to come out at first just because I honestly was not expecting it to happen so fast. But having been through this before, I knew how it was gonna go. After a couple of days it was getting pretty thin. So I asked my sister Britta, who conveniently enough is a hairdresser,  if she would cut it shorter and try to even it out. A few minutes into cutting it, I could tell it was past saving because it would fall to the floor when she touched it. So I just told her, “Just do whatever you want. I’m not going to have it for much longer.” And a little bit of bleach and tin foil later, I had golden blonde highlights in it! [She was originally going to tone the blonde so it was a reddish color but we were afraid if we messed with my hair again there wouldn’t be any left.]

You can see from these pictures how fast my hair was coming out this weekend.

In a way, it helped me to have those horrendous blonde streaks in my hair because it made me want to get rid of them faster. Since there wasn’t much left anyway, and it was to the point of just annoying me, I shaved my head clean today.


  • I’m feeling great right now. I start my second round of chemo tomorrow.
  • I lost my hair just within the past 4 days or so. Not gonna lie, I’m gonna miss my hair, but there are much worse things you could lose than your hair.
  • I thank God for continuing to bless me through my treatments with good health and peace about what I’m going through.

9 Responses to “nothing to lose”

  1. said

    Meaness, you are just as beautiful without hair! Love you so much!

  2. You really know how to fight this and I am right beside you with a sucker punch if needed. With all the prayers, mainly God and the doctors you are going to beat this thing. So be ready for a beautiful life that waits ahead for you. I really believe God has a very special plan for you! I love you with al my spirit, heart and mind. Dad

  3. Susan King said

    Hair is highly overrated! Just ask my husband! And it will grow back. (not to minimize the emotional impact of losing your hair, just trying to inject a little humor)
    Just know that I pray for you each and every day–many times, every time you come to mind, and God seems to bring you to mind often. And God is faithful! and we love you so much!

  4. Nancy DeMaio said

    you are beautiful hair or not! God is always blessing and strengthening you . I am so proud that you are part of my family. Blessings and daily prayers for you my sweet daughter! “My soul trusts in You, and in the shadow of Your wings I will make my refuge” Psalm 57:1 Love you,

  5. Jasen Wilson said

    Stay stong cousin! Keep up the good Fight- sending love from all the family up north. Now go whip it! We love you! Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles!

  6. Love you, Cheslie! You are a bright spot to so many people (including me). Love you and still praying for you.

  7. Sharon Phillips said

    Praying for you daily! Praying the lord will give you strength and comfort during this round of treatment!! Wishing you many blessings today and every day!

  8. Charlene Guidry said

    Cheslie, you’ve touched my heart tonight. Thank you for your blog…I’m your newest subscriber! I am praying for you and I know God has you as part of his brilliant master plan for all his precious children. Love you Cheslie!

  9. kelly said

    You are beautiful!!!!!! Thank you for being an inspiration throughout your whole journey. I heard your story as a friend of a friend — please know the word is out there and you are reaching people far and wide!!!! God bless you and keep you!!!! I am so touched by your strength through everything!

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